As I had mentioned in my previous post, I graduated in December. The transitionary period from University consciousness to big girl/boy consciousness I've heard is enough in it's own to send even the best educated and well adapted 20 something running back to mommy and daddy. I know several of my collegiate friends have unashamedly moved back in with their parents. Obviously, it is a trend of the times, not something we should be ashamed about. However, in the last semester of my college career I had no intention of moving home. The plan, in its basic nature, was to move to Connecticut to be with my then serious boyfriend. Gasp! why would an independent woman with big plans for herself want to move somewhere for a man???! Here is apparently where the universe steps in to cause a little chaos and stir up the pot of expectations and attachments.
In November, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. The doctors appointments leading up to my diagnosis had an effect not unlike a snowball. In the middle of my most extreme semester (I was taking 19 hours with the goal of all A's) I was feeling strangely fatigued and not well (big surprise: college kid is tired). My prognosis was amazing, however, being diagnosed with cancer, no matter the type is something akin to being hit by a truck. Interestingly enough...no different story for a different time :).
My total thyroidectomy was scheduled for December 14th, 2 days after my graduation (you may chuckle, it was a smidge insane). Following surgery, I went on a low iodine diet for a month. Because, and here is where it gets a little science(y), thyroid cells are the only cells in the body that uptake iodine. The idea for radiation treatment post surgery then, is that you starve the remaining thyroid cells of iodine, and then you take radioactive iodine to destroy whatever thyroid cells remain, including potential cancerous thyroid cells. I also had to have several lymph nodes removed because they tested positive for cancer. Because of the iodine silver bullet some call this the "good cancer." Yay, oxymorons. There was a post secret this week that adequately expressed my feelings on the term "good cancer".
Unfortunately, you don't really have an idea of what a thyroid does until it is missing or damaged. Thyroids help control metabolism on a general level but also on a cellular level. Long story short, this affects physical energy levels, mood, focus, sleep etc. Throw a little cancer psychological bomb in with those side effects and you might not understand if you are sad because of your lack of hormones, because you have cancer, or because you are fighting with your boyfriend. For the record, it was probably a bit of all three.
And yes, on top of all these huge life lessons things in relationship land began to sour. We eventually called it quits, a necessary thing, for I needed all my energy to be focused on getting better.
So why move to Seattle now? I am currently feeling amazingly improved from three months ago. I will have to have body scans for a long time to check and see if I've had a reoccurence, however, I've decided I shouldn't just sit around and wait. If I am ready to live, I'm ready to live.
